part 2

today i have cryed many many tears
but im over them now
i am safe for now
soon i will have to find anouther place to go
but for now i am safe
whare i will go i havn't a clue
but in time i will see
i have to be strong
these kids may not be my own
but i have to prove to them i can survive anything
so they to can survive anything too
right now i am numb
because my body is in pain
but mentally im being strong
because i know in my heart my friends
are now my family too...

no longer the victom but the survivor

yes i am and have been a victom of vilonce
most of my entire life
ive been beetin
manipulated
lied to
emotionaly destroyed
yet i stand today with bruises on my face
and view the things my family has destroyed
all my memorys now gone and distroyed
all these years i have been asking myself why i cant remember
the things that happend to me during my childhood
did i have one at all
its now plain to see
i never really had one
i could never be me
but the point is dispite how angry i am i must move on
they are not worth my tears
the courts will judge them for me
its time to move on
and be a survivor
and no longer a victom to anything anymore

Its sad but true

dear family
i no longer have any sympathy for you.
you have hurt me with your lies
you have hurt me with your lack of honesty and truth
you have hurt me with your hands and feet
i have bruises thanks to you
in your eyes I'm heartless
but in others i am all heart
what you lack to see
is someone who's been nothing but good to you
you are only repeating what your own family's have done to you
and I'm not going to play this game with you
you can hit me all you want
but i am to numb to give a dam
you can lie to me all you want
because i don't expect truth from you at all
you can play your sick little games
but i will not follow your stupid rules anymore
I'm not who you want
and never will be anything u ever wanted
if any two people were fucking dumb enough to be parents
it would be you
because you have no heart
all you care about is you
I'm parting ways now
so this is goodbye to you
you don't deserve someone like me anyway
because i am my own person
and i don't play by any ones dumb little rules
especially when its not a fun little game
only a heartless selfish loveless pity
for idiots like you....
so goodbye to you
i wont cry a tear
because there are other people out there
that don't think anything of you
but think the world of your daughter
who you could care nothing about at all....
I found love
but it was never threw you
as you don't know how to love at all....
so goodbye to you....
and on to the new life of mine without you...

my life in short. i wrote this in 98 shortly before my foster mother died..

goodbye meaghan hello akasha rose

there once was a girl named meaghan
who always felt scared and alone
she was mostly in her own little world
as she was so medicated she doesn't honistly remember a thing
the first 13 years might as well have not been of exsistance
she doesnt remembr a thing
several photos of her childhood is in a book
but what she recalls and what her family tells
are but 2 very diffrent things
most of meaghans life you see seemed foged or dazed
she had seizures and was very medicated
but when she cryed she might as well had not existed
nobody listioned
when she was happy nobody cared
when she was angry or upset she was told to go away
so one day she ran away
far away from home..
then one day she met a new friend
who invited her into her home
at first she didnt trust them
she was hesitant to belive what this woman had to say
but with much persistance meaghan followed her into her home and stayed
meaghan hadnt eatin for days
but wouldnt eat because she was very much afraid
but still this woman persisted
and meaghan gave in one day
the woman sayd that child is like a rose hidden still in its leaves
waiting to come out but to scared to
so the thorns protect her
when she blooms she will be something special you'll see
so time went by
meaghan was no longer scared
she was no longer afraid
she had her new family now Akasha Rose was now born
meaghan my dear i have given you your new name the woman sayd
meaghan asked what is that
Akasha Rose my dear
why is that mother?
because your are heavins little rose my dear
you have truly changed you're becoming strong your becoming wise
dispite your pain
you still have a pure heart
Meaghan doesnt fit who you've become
your my little rose.
so through the years this became her name
though meaghan still exsists in a physical sence that is....
but legaly that name is gone
in her mind shes long forgotin
shes blossemed into the woman this woman taught her to be
and now shes told her story to you at this time the brave woman with a heart of gold
is now a woman named Akasha Rose.


oh and just a note this woman was my foster mother just so you know....